Kiss, Kill, Marry
by thehoodedbowlerhat
Summary: Bored by a slow day at the precinct, the boys decide to play a little game of kiss, kill, marry. Of course, what they hadn't expected was the universally acknowledged truth they would stumble upon by the end of it...
Author's note: This is set somewhere in season 5 where Castle and Beckett are still secretly dating. I know that there's another version of the 'kiss, marry or kill' game, which well, I didn't use for censorship purposes, but if you know what I'm talking about go ahead and replace 'kiss' with it. It's a lot funnier.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the amazing characters, all credits to the brilliant writers and producers of Castle.

 _… at ten-forty am, the suspect Romy Jones…_

She glanced up at the clock. Five more minutes.

 _Focus._ She bent down back to her computer, forcing her fingers back onto the keyboard:

… _was brought back to 12_ _th_ _precinct by Lieutenant Davidson, interrogated by Detectives Javier Esposi…_

She glanced back up. Still five-fifty-five. She could have _sworn_ that someone had slowed the clock down today.

It was one of _those_ days. One of those days where the summer sun was a relentless force scorching down on the crowded city streets; one of those days where everyone was sweltering away, hairs tied up untidily, uniform sleeves shoved as far back as they desperately could, sweat spots growing upon every inch of cloth-skin intersection that no one bothered to hide anymore.

One of those days where nothing exciting had happened at all. No cases, no murder, not a single suspect to interrogate.

Gates had called it a 'beautiful documentation day' when she dropped by to check on them in mid-afternoon. Castle's eyebrow had rocketed high enough to disappear into his hair, as he muttered that it was the 'worst oxymoron' he had ever heard and rambled on about the irony of the term for the rest of the afternoon, bored to death watching Beckett do document work.

Well, until Gates slammed a pile of documents in front of him anyway. And declared that he was to help the NYPD with spelling and grammar check. ('Since you, _Mr Castle,_ are such a linguistics expert, why not put that skill to good use? And it's _great_ research too for when you write your next paperwork scene.")

As much fun as she had had laughing at the look of absolute horror on Castle's face as he peered over the little mountain of documents, Beckett had to agree with him:

A beautiful documentation day? No such thing.

 _Focus, Kate._

She shook off her thoughts, looked back at her computer. Esposi did not sound as good a name as Esposito so she fixed that up, before glancing up at the clock again.

Five fifty-six. She rolled her eyes.

She stared back at the document in front of her and found absolutely no will in herself to finish typing Ryan's name.

She didn't used to be this lazy.

Castle must have rubbed off on her.

 _Speaking of Castle…where is that guy anyway?_

She glanced up and found Castle sitting in a bunch with Ryan and Esposito, boyishly excited looks bouncing off all their faces.

Well. Was it just her or did they look like they were having _fun_?

Writhe with curiosity and entirely giving up on hopes of finishing her document, Beckett saved the document and switched off her computer screen, easily packing up her things before getting up and slowly making her way over to the boys. They were _laughing._ How in the world were they _laughing_ in the middle of this god-awful day?

She was close enough to hear them now, halfway across the room. It really wasn't hard; Castle's deep voice traveled, Esposito's slang was distinctive, and Ryan's voice always grew louder whenever he got excited.

"Ok, ok, next one: the three from _Friends:_ Monica, Rachel and Phoebe." Ryan sounded like an eager schoolboy asking whether he could leave class early.

"Aw maaaaan, seriously, no contest: Rachel, Monica, Phoebe."

"Oh yeah, same man, same."

" _What?_ You'd kill _Phoebe_?" Castle looked at Ryan and Esposito, his mouth hanging into a little o, his voice turning up an octave higher in indignation. Beckett had to hide a grin; it was kinda cute that he did that, whether he did it consciously or not.

"But Phoebe's the best character!" Castle flayed his hands towards the boys, staring at them like as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Ryan and Esposito glanced at each other, obviously unconvinced.

"Dude, how's Pheobe the best character… she's like… hippie-psycho-weirdo." Esposito shrugged.

"Oh ok, you know what, I'll tell you why Phoebe's not just some… some… hippie-psycho-what-not…" She could have sworn Castle did a little bounce on the desk he was sitting on as he straightened up with his eyes gleaming. She knew that look: it was the _I have something to prove and I'll keep talking until I prove it_ look; and so did Ryan and Esposito apparently, as Ryan hastily said:

"Ok, ok, nah it's alright man, let's agree to disagree. Next one, next one, err…"

 _What exactly were they talking about?_

"Ok, ok, kiss, marry or kill: Princess Leia, Chewbacca or Darth Vader?"

 _Oh._

Beckett rolled her eyes, from her casual observing spot. _Seriously? Kiss, marry or kill? I haven't played that since I was… fourteen?_

Then again. Guys.

And it _was_ Beautiful Documentation Day.

Esposito and Castle were now laughing their heads off: Ryan wanted to marry Princess Leia which meant it left the option of…

"What, are you gonna kiss Darth Vader?" Esposito snorted, laughing as Castle bent over, entirely cracked up.

"Oh my gosh _no…"_

"Or have little tiny Irish-wookie babies all covered in fur…" Ryan might as well have had announced that he was getting re-married to Chewbacca, the way Castle's face was entirely lit up with delight.

"Well… I guess if I'm left with no choice… I mean, hey, no!" Ryan blinked, quickly correcting himself. "I'm not gonna marry Chewbacca… OR KISS DARTH VADER…" He added in as Esposito jumped up at that, looking like an overly excited puppy who just sighted a chewable shoelace, "OR _either of them_ _no_ , jeezus… who came up with these anyway…"

"Ok, ok, next one…" Esposito laughed, wiping at imaginary tears at the corner of his eyes. "Come on bro, you think of one since Kev here sucks at that." He punched Castle in the shoulder.

"Ok…" A wicked little glimmer entered Castle's eyes. "Are you guys ready for this one? Kiss, marry, kill: Beckett, Gates or Tori. Go."

Beckett almost dropped her bag.

 _God damnit Castle._

He was getting cocky. A year ago, when they had been in the whole 'it's complicated' period, he'd never bring her name up in such a game, even as a joke, hell, _because_ it would be turning something sensitive and serious into a joke.

And now? She and Castle were dating.

No one was to know about it. Especially not Ryan and Esposito.

Except now, he was getting cocky again.

She could already see the gleam of surprise in the two detectives' eyes. The way the two of them shared an uneasy look. It wasn't like Castle to bring something that sensitive into this: he had avoided saying _Lanie_ for that very reason, after all.

Beckett pulled her bag in closer and started moving.

That was about enough eavesdropping.

"Hello boys." She walked over smoothly, putting on a smile sharp enough to make them jump, innocent enough to give them the benefit of the doubt. "What're you guys talking about?"

"Er… er… base… baseball." Esposito said hurriedly, as Ryan shuffled over from where he was sitting on the desk next to Castle to make a seat for her. She just smiled and raised a hand.

"Nah, I'm heading home soon… I just heard my name so I wandered over… see, I didn't think my name would turn up in a conversation about baseball…"

Ryan was chewing the bottom of his lip nervously, his pale blue eyes turned on his two other friends; Esposito was helplessly waving his hands about, mouth moving open and close desperately; but Castle just turned the most charming grin ever on her, and with a mischievous twinkle in his eye answered smoothly:

"We were playing kiss, marry or kill, Detective."

The two other detectives turned around to look at him in horror, but he just kept his eyes on her, giving her a mighty wink.

He was getting cocky. _So_ cocky.

 _And she was enjoying it._ Beckett realised in horror. She was enjoying how confident Castle was. In them. In how comfortably, ridiculously _good_ it felt to be together.

Well. No way in hell was he going to find out that she was actually _enjoying_ his cockiness.

"Well detective?" Castle was asking again, a giant grin stuck on his face. "You know the game: name three people, and you decide which of them you want to kiss, marry or kill."

"Grow up, Castle." She made an exaggerated roll of her eyes. "What are you, fourteen? Kiss marry or kill; seriously?"

"We were just going to choose between you, Gates and Tori." Castle teased. He winked again. "And you and I both know which one I'd chose _you_ for."

God no, he was _flirting_. In the same way he had the first few months they had worked together.

She wasn't quite sure whether she felt more like kissing the guy or pounding him over the head with the murder board.

"Really. Seriously?" Beckett put on her best glare, placing a hand on her hip. "Well, I know what I'd do with you too: kill." It was working: Ryan and Esposito were slowly moving away, no doubt trying to escape before she raged out at Castle.

She raised her eyebrow, pointing an accusing finger right into Castle's amused face. "And don't you dare use my name in one of those little games again."

Castle ignored her finger. He hopped down from the desk and took a step forward, closing in the gap between them. She could almost feel his breath against her cheek as he said pleasantly: "Alright, I won't use your name then. But I'll use this one, Detective Beckett: between me, Esposito and Ryan, which would you kiss, marry or kill?"

 _Oh for God's sake._

This man would be the death of her.

By the sides, Ryan and Esposito had frozen. She could see them from the corner of her eyes, slowly creeping back, heads cocked with interest. Castle's eyes were trained upon hers, electric blue and ablaze with playfulness now, as he swayed upon the heels of his feet, humming casually, awaiting her answer.

What did he expect her to do? Give an answer? Somehow end up having to imply that she was going to kiss _any_ one of the three?

 _Like as if you haven't already kissed_ … Beckett shut the voice in her head down firmly. _Not the point!_

"I'm not going to play your stupid game." She decided to keep to the glare in the end. As he opened his mouth to begin to protest, she picked up the sheaf of documents on the desk next to them and merely whacked him over the head with them.

" _OW! Beckett!"_

"I'm going home." She rolled her eyes and walked off, pretending to leave in a huff of annoyance. Castle was already running up to her side, blabbering all kinds of nonsense, sounding all apologetic, whilst she ignored him all the way to the lift, not even giving him a second glance as they entered the lift together. She even managed to almost close the lift doors on him, before glaring at him as he pushed through anyway, quickly standing on the opposite side of the lift.

Of course, once the lift doors closed,

It was two head-turns,

Two bursts of laughter,

And one long-awaited kiss.

"Man, that guy's gonna get in _so_ much trouble with Beckett for the rest of the week." Ryan shook his head as he watched the lift doors shut on a fuming Beckett and a very sorry-looking Castle.

"I know huh? Serves him right though, what a big mouth." Esposito snorted, clearing away the things on his table.

Ryan sank into his desk chair. He leaned back, stared at the ceiling for a few seconds before calling out: "Hey Espo?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me if it's just me: but why do I get this feeling that Beckett's answer would have been Castle, Castle, Castle."

Esposito put down the bag he had heaved over his shoulder, looking over at his partner. "Huh? What'd you mean?"

"Don't you think…" Ryan said, leaning forward with his elbows on the desk, looking as serious as he did whenever they were theorizing for a case. "… that given the choice of kiss, marry or kill; with me, you, or Castle; Beckett would want to kiss Castle, marry Castle _and_ kill Castle."

Esposito stared at Ryan.

Ryan stared back at Esposito.

"Well bro that's the most accurate thing I've heard you say all day."

"So you agree with me?"

"It's like… the universally acknowledged truth. No kidding. I think you just about summed up Beckett's relationship with Castle over the last five years."

"Wow. Yeah."

"I guess we'll see in which order which happens first eh?"

"Hmm. We still have our bets in place right? The two of them dating by the end of this month?"

"Absolutely."

"By the way, Javi?"

"What's up."

"Did you just quote Jane Austen?"

And with that, the two partners headed for the lift, wondering why it was taking so long to get back up to their floor.


End file.
